Half of the people in this family photo are now deceased. The other half are now divorced, seperated by many miles or just plain tired and crazy. There are a few key family members here, but this isn't half of (nor is it necessarily the core of) what and who we were. I wasn't even born yet!
I'm not totally comfortable posting vintage family photos (nor hardly any of myself) on this blog, so I'm not going to identify them. Just consider it a rare glimpse into our past - a reflection of the way life used to be! Reflections of the love life took from us! And that's precisely why I'm so adamant about holding onto what remains, and keeping it very near and dear.
This Thanksgiving, hubby and I were invited to his brother's house for a so-called, low-key gathering of family members and a few of their friends. We were grateful for the invitation and all we had to do was show up. But nooooo! I didn't feel too comfortable with that because I am the one who didn't want to be anywhere else other than with my own mother and sister.
As mom's primary caregiver, my sister had already decided they weren't going to have a big dinner for themselves this year. My mother is very fragile and my sister is very tired and more to the point, time and money is very tight! My sister deserves every blessing and every break that she can get, and I want to spend as much time and as many holidays as I can with Mom. Sure, I realize that big dinners aren't even necessary anymore, but due to my own personal angst, that situation has changed. Hubby and I have decided to take responsibility for the dinner this year even if we aren't actually preparing all of it.
Back in the 50's, when this photo was taken, our mother's and grandmother's usually slaved over a hot stove all day to prepare dinner for everybody. Thank God we've gotten away from all that but I do think it's something everyone ought to experience at least once. However, it's sooo not on my agenda this year!
We'd actually like to have both families over for dinner at our house but until the kitchen (and the bathrooms) is removed from the "permanently under construction" list, we can't handle dinner guests of that magnitude. When we are in that position, I will be able to control the atmosphere and the music and the guest list and the wine and the menu and everything. I like being in control! And they'll eat it all before it eats them!
Until then, we have to keep it traditional because some people just aren't going to have it any other way. For me, it's all about keeping it simple but still having the basics. Hubby said the food didn't matter as long as we have love and family and are thankful for what we've got. Of course, he's right. But I want to be comfortable and part of that comfort is making sure the menu is tight. Call me bourgie if you like, but Kroger's will not be preparing my Thanksgiving dinner if I can help it, I'm sorry.
I'm tired of turkey but at least, we ordered one FRIED! My sister decided to make the greens and the desserts, which are her specialties. I'm making the candied yams, which is one of my specialties. Hubby MIGHT make the macaroni & cheese, which is his ONLY specialty. I also ordered some of the best buttermilk biscuits that you'll ever taste from a local bakery. Since none of us are the best stuffing makers, I enlisted hubby's mother to make us a pan. Her stuffing is to DIE FOR! And it was the ONE THING my mouth was set for!
She reneged! I suppose her reasons were good enough. We had to quickly make other arrangements, which I assure you, are ....... good enough! But the mad rush back and forth spending money for this and that has already begun. It's all a part of the capitalist game!
No matter, Thursday morning will find me in my mother's kitchen, opening a good bottle of white bordeaux, whipping up a fabulous gravy and making those candied yams. I'll be right where I want to be with those I love the most. We'll reminisce about old times and send out love in Spirit to those who have left us. It'll be the best we can afford to make it and it will be good enough.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Blessings abound!
Posted by: Brandon | November 22, 2011 at 11:55 PM
Beautiful picture at this time of year me and my BF often look back over the eight years we have been together and remember this one and that one and its a good feeling. History means you have been somewhere, known someone and at the end of the day basically tried to do the right thing. Enjoy your holiday
Posted by: jahlaune | November 23, 2011 at 02:24 AM
1st Addendum: This morning when I woke up, I realized that this was all about ME and less about family. I do believe I even said "I WANT TO BE COMFORTABLE." Well, I'm already TIRED from the efforts to make sure everything is right, and gets done and from my regular bouts with insomnia.
I spoke with my mother late last night and she really didn't seem to have a clue about the efforts we were making to make sure everything came off without a hitch. All she was concerned about was whether I was coming to the afternoon soiree at the adult day care center she attends. I told her I was tying up loose ends and that I was a little beat, but that I would try. She said TRY HARD! In many ways, the old people that she now sees and laughs and cries with are her NEW FAMILY!
I'll take the few hours out to do this even though I don't feel like going. I'll catch the bus and walk in the rain and find the hall that they'll be in. (I CARE) but she doesn't that my tooth is chipped, my eyes are puffy and my clothes aren't cute. She just wants ME to be there! That's what's important to her NOW and so it shall be. LOL!
Posted by: Corey | November 23, 2011 at 07:30 AM
A Blessed Holidy to You Corey
Posted by: Greg | November 23, 2011 at 09:33 AM
All the best, this Thanksgiving, Corey!
Posted by: Thomas | November 23, 2011 at 10:18 AM
I'm always the superficial one, Corey...but I don't care--I love physical beauty. AND your family was (and I'm sure still is) BEAUTIFUL! I used to be too...it ended about the same time as THe Cosby Show.
Posted by: Derrick from Philly | November 23, 2011 at 03:29 PM
About family, in Portland, Oregon, a friend started an organization called "Love Makes a Family". Many gay and lesbian families have found strength, support, and community there. Your mom has found some at her care center and wants to share it with you, and you with them, and ain't NO turkey gonna ever be able to do that. Thanks for posting. And yes, we always need to give thanks for what we have, but I think we forget to give thanks for what we had.
Posted by: ed cookman, way2ec | November 24, 2011 at 12:46 AM
2nd Addendum: I spoke to my sister about the gathering at the center and she told me it started at 1:00PM and would last till about 5:00PM. By 1:00, I had just got through running around tying up loose ends for Thanksgiving and still had some other "things" to do - not to mention that I was fighting some kind of inner demon that was helping to drain my emotional energy (as well as physically).
But I was DETERMINED TO GET THERE! When I got to the bus stop, I realized that I didn't even have on socks. I figured I'd get there at 2:30 and that would give us good timing. Well, I ended up not walking out the door until 2:45. I got there at 3:15, and I was leaving at 3:30. The people looked at ME funny and told me that the gathering had ended at 2:30, and the members dismissed to go home.
I heard that my mother had spent her time watching the door for me and cried because I did not show up on time. When I got home and called her the first thing out of her mouth was YOU KNOW YOU REALLY HURT MY FEELINGS! It made me feel like shit and I tried to explain. And just like THAT - SNAP - she said OH WELL, YOU'RE FORGIVEN and that was the end of it! She won't remember anything about the gathering next week but she will remember that I did not SHOW UP!
I realize that's why my sister had such a funky attitude with me. SHE was ALSO TIRED and was able to BE THERE ON TIME and then my mother cried when I DIDN'T show on time. When I called her to discuss Thanksgiving details she threw me so much shade that I hung up on her. Hours later, she wouldn't take my call again. So, THAT'S how we entered into the holiday - WITH ATTITUDE!
By Thursday morning we had gotten it all together and ended up having the most fun we've had in awhile. But I could see where she had started making their OWN DINNER just in case. And I'm like WHAT THE HELL? THIS IS NEW! I finally realized that I was trying to hold on to something that has really passed us by - something they've already accepted as GONE! Yes, I can't wait to have Thanksgiving at my house and it looks like it's going to be SOMETHING NEW FOR REAL!
Posted by: Corey | November 25, 2011 at 10:20 AM
As always, Corey, great story. You are such an interesting person. I could only imagine you at the bus stop and discovering you forgot to put on socks. Great picture too! I, of course am always fascinated by vintage photos. Tell us a story about the guy on the right holding the little girl. He is rather striking.
Posted by: Aaron Douglas | November 26, 2011 at 09:32 AM
@Aaron, I am soooo glad that you stopped by and I'm sooo happy to "see" you. I think of you often!
Let's just say that "the man on the right" has a WHOLE BOOK OR TWO IN HIM but he might be afraid to tell the story. He has led a fascinating life that maybe ... just maybe ... he wants to keep to himself. Yes, he is quite STRIKING but that doesn't even BEGIN to describe him. LOL! If things had been different in his time, he would have been one of our first male models or matinee idols (if he wanted to be) because he was that devastatingly good-looking. His personality was and still is FIRE! I guess you can say he found his calling in other areas and settled for neighborhood playboy instead. 'Lest I get into trouble, let me just stop there! But trust me, I could go on. And on. And on. And .........
Posted by: Corey | November 26, 2011 at 10:09 AM