Corey @ I'll Keep You Posted

The Sordid Details Of MY FIRST COLONOSCOPY!

My doctor told me a few years ago that once I reached a certain milestone age, that she'd arrange for me to go through a rite of passage to help solemnize the event.  I guess you can say that I'm now officially running with the big dogs because in just a few days, I'm scheduled to have my very first colonoscopy.  Wow!

According to Wikipedia, the technical definition of a colonoscopy is as follows: Colonoscopy is the endoscopic examination of the colon and the distal part of the small bowel with a CCD camera or a fiber optic camera on a flexible tube passed through the anus. It may provide a visual diagnosis (e.g. ulceration, polyps) and grants the opportunity for biopsy or removal of suspected lesions.

Fine! I'm a big boy!  Yet, the closer I got to this week, the more nervous I became.  But when I stopped to consider that I've had more fierce "instruments" or weapons of ass destruction, I started to relax.  When I remembered the pop bottle, the big roll of salami and the hard plastic dildo shaped like a rocket, I remembered that relaxation is always key.  Ah, who said you can't enter an exit?!

I began to ask around, and other people started sharing their personal experiences with me.  I posted my concern on Facebook, and received 22 replies.  I don't think one post on this whole blog has ever received 22 comments, but I'm grateful to everyone who wanted to put me at ease.  They all basically told me that I should worry less about the actual colonoscopy, than I should the preparation for it.  They also told me that I'd be drugged or sedated, wouldn't feel any pain - and probably wouldn't remember a thing.  Well, that sounds partly familiar!  But it's always best to be prepared when you know somebody is going to go up in your booty for any reason.  I've decided to blog the whole experience right here on this page with day by day, moment by moment updates, and I'm goint to tell it all!

Sure, I guess it's really not so much of a big deal.  I just want to have some fun with it, and there will always be someone who'll benefit from knowing what to expect.  The colon must be free of all solid matter for the test to be performed properly.  No solid foods should be eaten.  I personally have a one-day prep (that usually begins one day prior to the test) that consists of a clear-liquid only diet.  Tomorrow I start drinking a powdered concoction mixed with water called GoLytely.  I'm told it's a real smooth move, and I'm sure the name of the product is only coincidental.  Smh!

Tonight, 8:00PM:  In anticipation, the first thing I did was shave my pubic hair.  My crotch, booty and hinder parts are as smooth as a baby's.  Not that the doctor would have cared; it was time for a shave anyway.  Sometimes, pubic hair is just so bushy, unattractive and bothersome!

Day One, 10:30AM:  The pharmacy where I have to pick up the GoLytely kept suggesting that they mix the solution for me. I was going to mix it myself, but I relented just to make sure it was done thoroughly and properly. I was offered a variety of flavors like pineapple, grape and cherry, but despite this, I'm still told the solution is often chalky, salty and just nasty as hell. It comes in a plastic gallon-sized jug and I am required to drink every bit of it within six hours. For example, I'm going to start drinking at 2:00PM. If I drink an 8oz. Glass every 30 minutes, I'll be finished by 8:00PM. I was told to cancel any plans that I may have for the day, and camp outside of the bathroom door because I'll start pooping immediately.  Personally, I'm on a clear-liquid diet for the rest of the day that includes the following: bouillon or chicken & beef broths, apple juice, grape juice, lemon/lime soft drinks and frozen ices. It's important to remain hydrated but dairy products, & orange and tomato juice products should not be consumed. Nor should any liquids with red, purple or orange dye. I can also have jello as long as it's not red. I'm sticking with the jello and apple juice, and making sure that I have plenty of toilet paper.  Ugh!

Day One, 2:45PM:  Okay, this shit is nasty!  It's like a VERY SALTY low-grade seltzer water, and I'm beginning to think WHAT'S THE POINT OF A ALL-LIQUID DIET WHEN I HAVE TO DRINK THIS MESS EVERY 30 MINUTES?  It has an aftertaste, so I'm following each glass with a little bit of 7-Up.  I've added this picture here because I know what's coming!

Day One, 3:00PM:  OH NO HE DIDN'T!  Marvin just brought in some cornbread, baked chicken,  homemade collard greens & potato salad that his mother made.  I'M NOT MAKING THIS UP!

Day One, 5:15PM:  I've repeatedly been told that the worst part about all this is drinking the solution, and so far that's correct.  By now, I've had 6 or 7 glasses and I still gag every time.  Going to the bathroom isn't as gross or messy as I thought it would be - unless it's going to get worse?   Yes, I'm running back and forth but so far, it's just another thang I have to do.

Day One, 7:45PM:  I finished drinking that nasty ass GoLytely!  Like everyone else told me - that was the WORST PART OF IT ALL!

 The Big Day, 7:00PM:  My Lord!  What a cold, gray day!  It even had the nerve to snow.  Between the weather and the air conditioning in the doctor's office, I may have caught a little cold.  Thank the lord that's as sordid as it gets, because like I said...it was just another thang.  

My appointment was for 9:30AM, and by 10:00 I was in the backroom, undressed and lying on the bed with an IV in my arm. I couldn't have asked for a more friendly and professional crew of folks - from the least to the greatest.  Everybody was laughing and smiles on their faces (including the other patients).  I couldn't have asked Marvin to be more sweet and helpful!  YOU will also need somebody to help you because you will not be able to drive after the procedure; you'll be half-dizzy for awhile if not totally disoriented. 

The procedure?  For some reason, they didn't give me the option of staying awake and watching.  It's just as well.  The anesthesia they administered was like a Mike Tyson punch - I was out cold in no time flat!  I didn't feel a thing.  There was no pain, no blood that I know of and only a minimal amount of ....mess!  The only discomfort I had was that I so full of air afterwards that they decided to keep me in the recovery room longer than they normally would.  When they finally released me around noon, Marv and I went to First Watch to get something to eat.  And I farted all the way home!  Big-winded L O N G farts that just felt sooo good to release.  There's really nothing else to report except the results.  No polyps!  No Nothing!  No Sordid Details!

 

 

DIANA ROSS'S CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT: MOTHERHOOD!

Diana Ross! She deserves respect and you better call her Miss Ross because she's sold more than 100 million records worldwide, with a career total of 18 Number #1's. In 1976, Billboard Magazine named her the Female Entertainer of the Century, and her career has lasted a record five decades.  She has earned eight AMA's, and twelve Grammy nominations.  She is an Oscar nominated actress, an Emmy nominee and the recipient of a Golden Globe, a Tony Award and an Image Award!  Her two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame seem minuscule when you consider that she is a permanent fixture where stars, goddesses, and legends reside.  In 2007, she recieved a John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts Award.  Miss Diana Ross is an Icon for the Ages!

She can do it all, and has probably done it all but the one thing that she is the most proud of is her family.  Diana Ross is the mother of five children - and is now a grandmother.  She will be the first to tell you that they are her most glorious contributions, her greatest achievements, and her endless loves. 

The accolades and awards Miss Ross has received in her stellar career are staggering, but motherhood may turn out to be her greatest reward because nobody can deny - Miss Ross RAISED them chirren'.   

Nobody's perfect on this earth, but so far there's no public foolishness, no scandals, and no sex tapes, and I don't think there's going to be.  They seem to be accomplished and well-adjusted in life.  They look like a fun bunch! Today, on Miss Ross's 67th birthday, I believe in giving credit where credit is due.....

Rhonda Ross-Kendrick was born August 14,1971, and has always been a dead ringer for her mother, and her biological father, Berry Gordy Jr.  She has inherited her mother's mega-watt smile, and luminous eyes.  She is an actress and singer in her own right, and is married to jazz musician Rodney Kendrick.  Their 2002 CD, Rhonda Ross Live (featuring Rodney Kendrick) is an underground collectible.  The Kendricks' reside in Harlem, and in August 2009, they became the grateful parents of Raif-Henok Emmanuel Kendrick.  Miss Ross-Kendrick is a graduate of Brown University, and is a Daytime Emmy Award nominee for her portrayal of Toni Burrell in the soap opera Another World (1997-1999).  She is currently creating a one-woman show, writing a memoir, developing a talk show for working mothers, and functions as the owner of Ross Realty International, an upscale NYC real estate company. 

Tracy Ellis Ross was born October 29, 1972.  Like Rhonda, she is also a graduate of Brown University with a theatre degree.  Having inherited her mother's infectious spirit, Tracy is best known for her comedic skills & portrayal of lawyer Joan Clayton on the UPN/CW series, Girlfriends.  For her brilliant efforts, she earned eight NAACP Image Award nominations, with two wins in the category, Outstanding Actress in a Comedy Series. Tracy has appeared in Tyler Perry films, and with Queen Latifah (and brother Evan Ross) in the HBO movie, Life Support.  If this Miss Ross never does another thing, she has trademarked her role as the dramatic, neurotic Joan.  But that is not likely to happen! She will next produce and star in Reed Between The Lines, opposite Malcolm Jamal Warner on BET.

Chudney (November 4, 1975) does not sing, dance nor act!  However, she is much like her mother in her love for children.  Chudney Ross has an awesome background working mentoring underprivileged children in reading and writing.  She is a former preschool and elementary school teacher, and has just opened her first business, Books and Cookies - a children's bookstore, bakery and enrichment center in Santa Monica, CA.  The youngest Miss Ross recently completed an edgy new children's book series, Bean's Books, which is slated to be published by Harper Collins in the summer of 2012.  Former music business manager, Bob Ellis Silberstein, is Tracy and Chudney's father.

The handwriting is on the wall!  This young man is going to be HUGE!  Evan Ross, born Evan Olav Naess (August 26, 1988) is on steady simmer right now, but one day he's going to turn up the heat to FULL BLAST!  Only 22, he has an impressive body of work that includes his debut as "Ant" in ATL with rappers, T.I. and Big Boi, a harrowing portrayal of a gay teen suffering with HIV in Life Support, and as a neighborhood menace in Life is Hot in Cracktown with Kerry Washington.  Mr. Ross currently has a jaw-dropping 21 film projects in various stages of production, and can now be seen with Danny Glover and Nia Long in Mooz-Lum, a limited-release film about a sheltered young man finding his independence in a Muslim family.  Heavily influenced by his mother and Michael Jackson, he just released the single, Yes Me, from his first CD, a collection of R&B and Pop songs.  The best is yet to come!

 

Of the two sons, Ross is the oldest and most reserved.  He was born October 7, 1987 and is the epitome of quiet dignity.  Or so it would appear!  Suave and classically handsome, Ross Arne Naess was most influenced by his father, Nowegian shipping tycoon, Arne Naess. 

He is a world traveler with a passion for photography, and has a wicked eye for unusual landscapes, exotic animals and moments caught in exotic places. 

Happy Birthday, Miss Ross!  And congratulations on your most crowning achievement - Rhonda, Tracy, Chudney, Evan and Ross. The proverbial apples never fall far from the tree!

 

 

HOLLYWOOD ICON ELIZABETH TAYLOR DEAD AT 79 (1932-2011)

I can't begin to tell you how much Elizabeth Taylor meant to me!  I've often wondered what I'd feel like when she passed away.  I knew she was ailing, but for the most part, death (and the news of death) always seems to catch a lot of us unaware like a thief in the night.  I woke up unusually late, didn't answer the phone, didn't turn on the television, and when I finally turned on the computer, her death was the very FIRST THING I SAW!  I was initially stunned for a minute or two, and I was immediately like OH NO...NOT ELIZABETH! 

It's almost the same as when Lena Horne passed away last year.  For almost a full week of my young life, I met and spent time with Miss Horne.  Her passing affected me deeply, but I never had the opportunity to meet Elizabeth Taylor.  Still, to wake up and find that the great Elizabeth Taylor is no longer with us...with ME...is still shocking.  But I'm finding that shock eventually wears off! Miss Taylor died this morning of congestive heart failure at the age of 79.

 

Elizabeth Taylor was one of the most spectacular beauties of the world, but she was so much more than just a pretty face, or a woman with a voluptuous body.  She was a spectacular actress as well.  She was a five-time Academy Award nominee, proudly winning the award twice.  Taylor was a child star from the old Hollywood studio system of the 1940's, but by 1954, she put Hollywood on notice and gave the industry and movie audiences a glimpse of what she was capable of in A Place In The Sun.  Her turn as the spoiled heiress, Angela Vickers, was a defining moment in her career, and never was Taylor's young beauty more luminous than in this film.  If ever there were a classic movie, THIS IS IT!  Elizabeth, Montgomery Clift and Shelly Winters become the ultimate star-crossed lovers, caught in a threesome and doomed from the start.  Though not as acclaimed, her role as the doomed Helen in The Last Time I Saw Paris is also a brilliant showcase for Taylor's beauty, glamour, and screen persona, and it remains one of my personal favorites.

Doomed!  She had a penchant for such roles and she played them quite well.  She was always the beautiful young heroine who dies young, or the beautiful but psychotic young woman committed to insane asylums.  As the mentally disturbed Southern belle in 1957's Raintree County (her first Oscar nomination) Taylor would rather burn down the plantation than have any black blood flowing through her veins.  What about her second nomination as the long-suffering but uber sexy Maggie "the Cat" in 1958's Cat On A Hot Tin Roof?  Taylor stood by Paul Newman no matter what and didn't seem to mind that he was a repressed homosexual.  In real life, Taylor was a true friend to the gays as she played best friend to Montgomery Clift, Rock Hudson, as well as James Dean.  In the 1950's, Elizabeth Taylor solidified her Icon status, and her third consecutive nomination in one of my absolute favorites.  As the emotionally disturbed Catherine, in Suddenly Last Summer (1959) Taylor serves up high drama as a beauty locked away in an institution by her aunt Katherine Hepburn.  For only she knows that her neice can tell the truth about her fabulous gay son Sebastian, who met death by cannibalization on a remote Mediterranean island.  Is Catherine really crazy?  Did she really stand there and watch as young men and boys literally ATE HER COUSIN TO DEATH?

Nobody, but nobody could play the prostitue any better than Elizabeth Taylor.  Who can forget when her mother slapped the shit out of her in Butterfield 8, after she declared "Mother, I'm the slut of all ages."  In this 1960 film, Taylor won her first Oscar as the elegant (but doomed) call girl, Gloria Wondrous.  There were other wonderful, juicy roles in between and thereafter, like in the late 60's with Marlon Brando in Reflections In A Golden Eye (again playing the wife of another repressed homosexual).  Only this time around she was anything but long-suffering and understanding! And then there was Secret Ceremony with Mia Farrow.  Is Farrow a murderess?  How does she convince Taylor, in a triple-threat role as a ...you guessed it, doomed, alcoholic prostitute, to impersonate her dead mother?

My all-time favorite Taylor role is in 1965's Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf!  This is one that I have to watch at least once a year.  The drunken over-the-top antics, slaps, screams, slurs and meltdowns are enough to wear somebody out, but I live for them.  Taylor got downright ugly, danced like a black woman in a roadside cafe, and MOST DESERVEDLY won her second Oscar as Martha, the boozy other half in a dysfunctional marriage of grand proportions to Richard Burton.  Yes, nobody but nobody played the alcoholic like Taylor!  In real life, Taylor and Burton were married like ...what....four times, five times or was it seven?  Their breakups and remarriages captured the headlines, and are now the stuff of legend.  They were glorious to watch on the screen as well. 

However, in my humble estimation, Cleopatra was not one of Taylor's most satisfying moments on the screen, but watching her play off Burton in old-school Hollywood Egyptian grandeur & glamour is certainly satisfaction enough.  I also enjoyed them in the bizarre Boom!  However, I think I'm more of a fan of this movie's sets, costumes and Taylor's timeless beauty.  Again, she plays the friend of another repressed homosexual.  What is it about Taylor and repressed sexuality in other people - on and off the screen?

I blame all of this on my mother.  She is the one who initially introduced me to Elizabeth Taylor at a very young age.  As a matter of fact, Taylor was a huge favorite with a LOT of black women - especially during the 60's, and most especially in my family.  I remember when one of my cousins moved to New York to try to become a model.  One of the biggest second-hand thrills I remember as a child was when she reported back to us how she'd met Taylor in a department store, talked to her, and got her autograph.  I wonder if she still has it?  I'd kill for it!

Conversely, my father hated her!  She was unapologetically independent, and unrepentant for being herself.  She enjoyed being Elizabeth Taylor!  However, it was specifically for these reasons that he disliked her.  And her multiple marriages (eight in total) and numerous affairs was the icing on the cake for him.  He hated Zsa Zsa Gabor for the exact same reason and with equal passion.  Thus, he called them both whores!  I cannot help it if HE didn't necessarily like women.  But for me, and millions of others, Elizabeth Taylor is and will always be a goddess.

It's something to hold personal "marathons" and "festivals" in your own home, making your significant other sit through the film clips boring them to death.  Moreover, It's one thing when the star is still among the land of the living, and quite something else when they have passed.  The experience is now more nuanced.  More shaded with....something!  Maybe it's colored with the growing knowledge that death is really just a part of the cycle of life.  This is how I choose to feel, and I will continue to derive great pleasure watching Miss Taylor in some of her finest moments on the screen. There, she will live forever!

Ahh, what a feeling!  Ahh, Elizabeth Taylor! Slated for disaster on the silver screen, she always triumphed in life.  Her aristry brought me such joy and I Ioved her so!  What more can I say but REST IN PEACE!

 

 

 

 

 

 

PETER J. GOMES: The Captain Of His Ship & The Master Of Sparks House!

The sudden passing last week of Rev. Peter J. Gomes ("Harvard's pastor") caught a lot of people off guard.  In Jan 2010, Rev. Gomes announced his decision to retire from Harvard's Memorial Church by 2012, but by December he'd suffered a debilitating stroke.  Gomes, the fierce captain of his ship & master of his fate, died Monday, Feb 28, 2011, in Massachusetts General Hospital from a brain aneurysm & heart attack - complications brought on from last year's stroke.  He was 68.

Infusing his sermons with stinging clarity and a natural acerbic wit, Gomes became known as one of America's most poignant and distinguished preachers.  The epitome of erudition, he was perhaps best known for his masterful, landmark work, The Good Book: Reading The Bible With Mind & Heart (1996).  Henry Louis Gates, a fellow Harvardite, said it was "easily the best contemporary book on the bible for thoughtful people."  Indeed, it was one of the first works in recent memory to receive recognition among those who'd been tried, tested and found tired of sitting stagnant in the muck of religiosity.  Navigating a new spiritual plateau for some, the book's second section, The Use and Abuse of the Bible, was especially noteworthy as it addressed what Gomes called "the hard texts" or the fundamentalist interpretations (and misappropriations) surrounding race, women and homosexuality. 

However, the preacher, reacher, and all-around Renaissance man may have been a study in contradictions to some observers.  He was a born ebony aristocrat - a descendant of the Fulani and the Hausa, a bon vivant at once at home at high tea with the Queen of England, or sitting on the front porch of Sparks House in his underwear smoking a cigar.  He was a proud black man - who just happened to be an unabashed Anglophile (and an almost life-long Republican to boot!).  Setting the record straight, he once declared "I am a Christian who happens as well to be gay...those realities, which are unreconcilable to some, are reconciled in me by a loving God."

"I am [authentic] and an original....I will not allow myself to be known simply as an African American, no more than I would allow myself to be known as gay or conservative. They are all bits and pieces of a work in progress. I am a child of God" Gomes defiantly declared.  Progress, indeed!  Gomes changed his political affiliation to Democrat in 2006, to support the gubernatorial candidacy of Deval Patrick, the first African American governor of Massachusettes, and never looked back."

Elegance seemed to be a part of Peter J. Gomes' DNA.  God may have made him the master of many things, and in 1997, still riding the crest of notoriety from The Good Book, House & Garden magazine assured us that he was also most definitely the master of his house.  That would be Sparks House!

Filled with both tasteful & gaudy antiques alike, the three-level, bright yellow, circa 1838 Greek Revival house was Gomes' castle on campus for over 30 years.  During the 1974 interview for his appointment as Harvard's preacher, he fearlessly insisted that Sparks House be a part of the deal.  The university had plans to demolish the early 19th century house, but Gomes convinced the president that "that house is as critical to the ministry as I understand it as a laboratory is to a chemist."  A little dramatic?  Maybe!  But they gave him the house! They also gave him a portrait of Mary Crowninshield Silsbee Sparks, the wife of a former Harvard president - and nothing more!  It still hangs in the front hallway, above a bachelor's table from the 1900's (above).

"The modern telephone is a dangerous instrument" Gomes once infamously quipped.  Annoying too!  Who could disagree?  That's why there was only one phone on the ground floor that rang one way - OUT!  The phone may not have rang in the parlor, but Gomes admitted that people liked to come by just to see all of his stuff, but the house was always open for distinguished guests that included Henry Louis Gates, and Julia Child, as well as the Archbishop of Canterbury. 

In fact, it became a tradition among Harvard students to have high tea with the grand Rev. Gomes.  "Students see the exotic here, and they enter into it.  There's a certain amount of fantasy in this house, and God knows these kids don't have enough fantasy" quipped Gomes.  But when tea time was over, you knew it was over when he banged the antique Chinese gong in the hallway.  "Don't let me keep you.  I'm sure you have many other interesting things to do" he'd tell them.

Out of his own pocket, Gomes restored and furnished the mansion bit by bit, with such diverse items as blackamoors, a French 1860's sleigh bed, and chairs from Crate & Barrel that were covered in fabric from the same upholsterer used by Windsor Castle.  Gomes thought having blackamoors in his home was politically incorrect but he didn't care.  I have them!  I don't care either!  Usually non-chalant about what people thought, Gomes took offense when people asked who his decorator was.  "Everything you see here, I bought, and it came in one at a time" said he.  It took years to elevate Sparks House to Gomes' own personal style and taste.

Peter J. Gomes wanted Sparks House to be a "living, breathing thing" and I can relate to that!  I'm also starting to relate to the time it takes to develop my own house the way that I want it.  I have no other choice!  I can't afford to be as bourgeouis as the former master of Sparks house, but I feel as he felt; that I was born to live amisdt such grandeur, and that a house should reflect the character of its occupant.  I'm not hardly trying to indicate that I am as fabulous as Rev. Gomes (because that's a whole lotta fabulosity) but I tell you, I am fabulous.  Okay, this is making me laugh, but I'm serious.  I am not in the least bit intimidated by what I see in these pictures.  I know how to examine them for ideas, for placement, for inspiration as well as implementation.  That's the whole idea!  Like Gomes, I hope and pray for thirty more years for my partner and I to make our house a home, but I'm also sure hoping it won't take that long.  

Every captain must eventually give up his ship.  Every master of his own fate eventually MEETS his fate.  Every master of a house must eventually vacate the position for the next one.  But like my partner so plaintively asked the other day, "What happens to all that shit in the house now?."

 

 

 

 

MWANGA II OF BUGANDA: The Beginning of UGANDA REMIXED! (Part 2)

In the previous essay, I attempted to connect the current rise of religious hysteria, hatred and violence against homosexuals in the African nation of Uganda with an event that happened in that country almost 150 years ago.  According to the colonialists, Protestants (and especially) the Catholic missionaries who originally wrote the script, homosexuality was a key element in the brutal deaths of a number of young men now called martyrs & saints.  Right in the center of all the drama was a weak and ineffectual king known as Mwanga II.  They say Mwanga II put to death his court pages soley for refusing his sexual advances following their conversion to Catholicism.  At least that's what THEY SAY!

In order to understand Mwanga II, it is necessary to examine his father, Kabaka Walugembe Muk bya Mutesa I, the 30th Kabaka of the kingdom of Buganda, who reigned from 1856 -1884.  Mutesa I, willfully and purposely invited European missionaires into his kingdom.  Instead of an authentic, hungry desire to embrace Christianity, the king had a plan and may have thought he knew exactly what he was doing by extending the invitation.  It was a move that would eventually have disastrous effects for generations to come.  His reasons were two-fold; pragmatism and a burning political motivation. 

"First and foremost, Mutesa's invitation of the missionaries was part of a calculation to use the European presence to ward off a military threat posed by Egyptian forces approaching the shores of Uganda to the North from Sudan.  Second, and perhaps more intriguing, Mutesa's overture was part of a secret plot to gain unparalleled absolute power in Buganda."  (Njoku & Korieh, Missions, States, and European Expansion in Africa, pg. 55).

Buganda had already developed an efficient, well-oiled and sophisticated political system that operated through a hierarchy of appointed chiefs, administrators and judges, with a organized military and tax administration set up to support  governmental operations.  The kabaka's word was the law, and he ruled over wives, children, and some thirty clans that made up the kingdom.  The royal complex consisted of his prime minister, and a full parliament formed by county chiefs.  He was in full control, but his authority did not extend to the major gods of the land.  In the supernatural realm, only the local mediums, priests, elders and diviners reigned supreme.  They were the ears and mouthpieces of the gods, and only they understood the language of the gods.  Mutesa didn't necessarily like that!

As kabaka, Mutesa (r) could not embark on any serious undertakings without first seeking their approval.  He was subject to whatever they said through the mediums as was anyone else in the kingdom.  So, he began a secret campaign to sidestep the influence of both the most instrumental gods of the land as well as their agents.  If they were no longer in place as the supreme authority, he could reinvent their status and remake the whole kingdom in his own image.  Changes were in order!  Changes that allowed foreign religions to enter the kingdom.  Mutesa saw religion as an instrument of power and control, and he implemented changes that could further elevate his position by offering the people spiritual alternatives.  It was a gamble, but he thought he could win it!

When the so-called Christians arrived, Islam had already been in operation for well over a decade!  Mutesa's own father was the first to flirt with the Muslims, and by 1867, they had a good foothold if not a full stronghold in the culture.  Mutesa promoted them for awhile but also kept them at bay, but Islam made its way into the heads, hearts and minds of many of the people.  Unlike in the local, traditional religion where the priests owned the mouths and ears of the deities, the imperial religions were open to the interpretations of HOLY BOOKS!  Followers were easily inspired to oppose anything and anybody in the name of Jesus, God or Allah!  The old ways were the first to go, and this included men having sex with men.  *This is noteworthy because the Christian missionaries would later elevate this teaching, and say that it was the Arabs who "introduced" such practices among them.  But as the people began to place their loyalties and respects to Islam FIRST over their kabaka and his old value system, the seeds were being sown for early seditions in the court.  In response, Mutesa I miscalculated again; he replaced the Koran with the Bible!

"The white men are greatly superior to the Arabs, and I think, therefore, that their book must be a better book than Mohammed's"  Mutesa is reported to have stated.  Not because he felt inferior, but because he recognized the superiority and power of European GUNS, which he supposed as being on the same par as the white man's bible and god.   As the missionaries made their entrance into Bugandan society, Mutesa hoped that European guns and technology would come along with them.  He also hoped that his personal goals could still be accomplished by espousing Islam and welcoming Christianity, too.

In 1876, a Protestant organization, the Church of Missionary Society (CMS) dispatched the duo of Lt. Shergold Smith and Rev. C.T. Wilson to Uganda.  Two years later, a more forceful and assertive company arrived in the person of Alexander M. Mackay.  By 1879,  the French Catholic mission led by the Holy Ghost Fathers Simeon Lourdel and Brother Amans (aka the Great White Fathers) arrived as the forerunners of the Roman Catholic mission in Buganda.  The indigenous religious elite were not amused because they saw the writing on the wall.  Moreover, some of them had already converted to Islam and had gone deep in their own convictions while Islam was still vying for power.  Intense rivalries broke out among the Protestants & the Catholics, and the kingdom of Buganda found itself in the middle of political upheaval and spiritual crisis.  Mutesa was still able to manipulate everyone, and when the pressure became to great, he simply ignored them and refused to face the fire.

Something else happened.  Mutesa had taken ill, and each of the religious factions decided they would be the one to produce the cure.  The Muslims invoked the powers of the Quran, the Christians prayed for divine intervention, but the local priests (through their god) pronounced that the king became ill because he mishandled and disrespected his position as their kabaka and flirted with alien religions.  Moreover, the missionary sources from the period say that Mutesa suffered from a chronic venereal disease brought on through ....here we go again... homosexual practices introduced by the Muslims. They seemed to be quite fond of pushing this particular panic button of "homosexuality in the court" as they were to use it all over again during the reign of Mutesa's son, Mwanga II.  Whether Mutesa I engaged in any homosexual activity or not should be taken with a grain of salt considering the sources, but in essence, they were basically setting the stage for a familiar scenario that would rear its ugly head again in the 21st Century.  However, Mutesa was more concerned about the pronouncement of the indigenous mediums.

During an audience with Mutesa I, Alexander Mackay (CMS) tried to convince the kabaka to ignore the oracle, and true to form, made the mistake of dismissing it as nothing but the practice of witchcraft.  Right then and there, Mutesa told Mackay that he was only interested in their "guns and powder" and the men who could supply them.  Mackay and company soon became unwelcome guests in the court, and as Mutesa's illness entered its terminal stage (1883-84), the remaining missionaries had almost lost all of their influence in the court.  But this was only temporary!

THIS IS THE POLITICAL AND SPIRITUAL CLIMATE THAT MWANGA II STEPPED INTO WHEN HE SUCCEEDED HIS FATHER AS THE NEW KABAKA IN 1884.  He didn't just appear on the scene making uninformed, stupid and brutal choices to wreck the lives of his people.  The religious climate that swirled around him directly influenced every decision that he made, and as the Catholic missionaries gained the upper hand, he particularly ran afoul of them.  To further conquer the minds of the people, they sowed seeds of discord, confusion, and lies. 

To help foster the claims that he was a predator among his own people, Mwanga was cast as a pederastic GROWN MAN who had complete sexual control over his teenaged court pages - who are often portrayed as LITTLE BOYS!  THAT'S A LIE!  Mwanga II WAS ONLY 16 YEARS OLD WHEN HE ASCENDED THE BUGANDAN THRONE!  His father's pages had been dismissed and replaced by new ones - new ones who were his OWN AGE APPROPRIATE CONTEMPORARIES if not his social peers.   A few of them were even OLDER than Mwanga but the MAJORITY OF THEM WERE NOT OUT OF HIS OWN AGE BRACKET.  They MAY have found sexual pleasure amongst themselves, but Mwanga was hardly the deviate and apostate that the Catholic Church (and modern Uganda) have portrayed him to be.

Because there is such a dearth of non-biased information on Mwanga II, and because of the lengthy way I have chosen to write this post, I must add a third (and final) part that focuses totally on MWANGA II:  The Man, The Myth & The Madness!