Corey X!

I feel.  I am.  Right now I feel like that little boy who is always the last one standing in line to picked for a gym class team because he's no good.  Right now I feel like that 10 year old who was told he was nothing but a fag and that was all he'd ever be, and even though he'd never heard the word before, knew exactly what it meant.  I feel like that young gay boy who put himself out so many times trying to accomodate the rough lusts of the local men and boys when all he really ever wanted was the tender love of his father.  I remember that overdressed teenager in the neighborhood trying to prove he had style when all he was really doing was overcompensating for a shortcoming that he hoped everyone else would overlook.  What about that young man in the church whose every move was watched with a scrutinizing eye who trembled in his boots out of fear of messing up, being laughed at or criticized, or being told "you almost had it that time but you fell short".  I feel like him too.  I feel like him when I go to the barbershop and feel uncomfortable around too many other equally as insecure black men struttin' and posturing and sizing me up to see if I'm worthy enough to say hello to.  I've been asked "Corey, who are you" and I think I'm a lot of different stuff, some good, some bad, some I know of and some I don't know of yet.  But today I remember the little boy, the teenager and the young man who is now a middle aged man.  I remember him because he's who I am today and it's the most honest morsel of truth that I am able to offer at this time without second-guessing, doubt, unbelief and feeling like a fake.

Comments

[ToddyEnglish]

totally raw and real. Loved it.

[mrfunky]

Dammit man! When are you going to teach yourself to cut your own damn hair!!! I can't thank both my heavenly farther ,and my earth farther for giving me the skills, and the where with all to avoid the rediclousness of black hair care tourture chambers.

Piss on them. It sounds like you're giving the ordinary to much energy. Stand on; ask me no questions and I'll tell you no lies.

Mr. Funky